After a careful review of the options for the up-coming election:
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official
language. Speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to
straighten out the country's attitude.
NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'WalMart' policy: 'If we ain't got
it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many
observation towers on the southern border. (Six month tour) They will be
under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you
didn't put nuttin' in, you ain't getting' nuttin' out. Neither the
president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour
school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you
will be banned for life.
(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method: The first time you steal, you
lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences -- if you are
convicted of a Capitol Offense, you will be put to death by the same method
you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed - Wheat -- The world needs to eat. A bushel
of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease,
and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower
taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people
if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the
decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day
in Congress -- right after a prayer to God.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies,
sporting events, outings, etc. Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes, but a
vote for me will get you better than what you have and better than what
you're gonna get.
Posted at: 11:49 AM | Add Comment
